i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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