I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
