Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
