please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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