I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
why do cheetos always look like penises
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
