Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
