Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'm always down for nudity.
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