When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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