Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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