He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I supernannyed him into submission
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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