and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
