dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
