I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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