Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
