I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
