Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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