walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
