Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
