All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm fucking your sister right now.
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i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
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I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.