At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.