Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(334): View more from Alabama

I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is

(1-334): View more from Alabama

I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P

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(334): I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is (1-334): I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P http://tfl.nu/fyjw

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(312): View more from Illinois

I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?

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(312): I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night? http://tfl.nu/ityh

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(248): View more from Michigan

I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy

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(248): I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy http://tfl.nu/0s17

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(203): View more from Connecticut

'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.

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(203): 'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence. http://tfl.nu/k9vf

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(602): View more from Arizona

she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...

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(602): she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot... http://tfl.nu/ac1u

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(203): View more from Connecticut

i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.

(1-203): View more from Connecticut

it's 1 pm.

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(203): i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words. (1-203): it's 1 pm. http://tfl.nu/0ewp

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(757): View more from Virginia

It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.

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(757): It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower. http://tfl.nu/w3u9

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car

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(202): You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car http://tfl.nu/q6jc

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(250): View more from British Columbia

Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car

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(250): Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car http://tfl.nu/u2fj

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(775): View more from Nevada

He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend

(1-775): View more from Nevada

I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman

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(775): He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend (1-775): I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman http://tfl.nu/d80q

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(719): View more from Colorado

Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.

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(719): Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes. http://tfl.nu/2pgh

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?

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(412): my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush? http://tfl.nu/kyl4

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(619): View more from California

He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.

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(619): He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft. http://tfl.nu/kmfz

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(443): View more from Maryland

Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.

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(443): Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it. http://tfl.nu/cvh2

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.

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(202): She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family. http://tfl.nu/nmso

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