I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.