I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar