the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....