508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
