just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
