I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
