i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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