last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
