I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
