so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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