I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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