ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
