i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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