I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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