I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
