went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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