I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
