i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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