i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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