Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
COCAINE IS GR8
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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