The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
