Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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