Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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