remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
