WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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