she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
