I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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