if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
