that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
