Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I still have a little drunk in my system
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
