If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
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Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
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Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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