I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
