fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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