genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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