We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize