Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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