why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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