I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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