life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize