Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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