Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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