I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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