Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
