hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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