I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
