my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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