Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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