shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
