he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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