i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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