just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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