I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I am one with the molecules
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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