I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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