Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Randomize
