Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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