Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
